The question is....when, if ever, is it ok to give up and find your dog another home? I have been struggling with Lucy since day one....way back in the spring. Now its the end of July and we have very little progress. Actually, on some days it seems that it is worse than the beginning, but that is just my memory failing me and my wits at their end.
Lucy continues to bark at people in the hallway, elevator, out on the streets while on walks. She barks at dogs passing my and dog barks she may hear in the distance. She barks when I leave, she barks when I return. She barks when people come to visit, whether they are friends, family, cable guys or what not. We've tried everything. We started off giving her 2 meals a day by strangers on the sidewalks, we've clickered the (rare) quiet moment, we got her private training lessons early on which included a fabulously socialized pup to give her the building blocks to proper, polite dog behavior. We bring her to dog parks at least 2-3 times a week for social time. And she gets out for walks about every 3-4 hours. It's just too much now. It's every day. And more than the barking, I'm so tired of the work. It has been day in day out CONSTANT training mode for 3 whole months!!! My poor Charlie, he is been totally put to the side as we focus on Lucy. I am to the point where I give in. I just can't see a life with her in it. I feel awful everyday as this conclusion becomes more and more the reality, and not just a possibility.
Does anyone have anything to offer? More than the countless number of force free training books I have? (If it's listed on the Karen Pryor website, I've bought and read it!) Am I the worst person in the world if I can't make this relationship (with Lucy) work? Does this mean I should never adopt another animal in my life?
Anyone, please help....
I understand you so well!!
Hi, just writing to let you know you're not alone!
I also have a rescue dog at home. She was in such awful psychological conditions when some rescue volunteers took her out of the city pound! She's been with me for over two years now and I went through the same dilema as you: She barked at everybody and everything, especially out in the street. The first weeks she destroyed every plastic items in her room out of anxiety (she was a year old) She'd shrink at any noise and would run away from me if I run to get her. It was terribly hard!!
Within a week's time I talked to her "rescuers" about returning her... but, then, I just couldn't, I knew everyone would have the same problems with her and maybe less patience than me! But I'd surely understand anyone who took another option because it was so exhausting and disappointing. I've never told anyone before, but there were times I had thoughts that if she had an illness or car accident (of course, not provoked by me!)I'd be relieved of that big load.
Thoughout this process, I've become an addicted self-guided student of dog language, learning theory, operant conditioning and I do love clicker training. It's my great hobby (books, DVDs, some seminars, articles) but, still, my dog is not an easy one and I've had some problems with people she barked and lunged at. We've improved a lot: At home she's very relaxed (unless there's a noise outside the door,then her sudden bark makes us jump in our chairs!). She's become more controlled (I'm proud to say I've managed to make her stop and think in some difficult situations), is "a happy camper" around the family, loves us "till death do as part" and has become good with all the family children whom she feared at first. I've even trained her to bring me the phone when it rings, it's great fun to see how much she loves to work!!
We have some good laughs with her and have come to love her deeply, but I've realized I will never be able to fix some issues. I've also become insensitized to people not undertanding why she and I do "weird things" such as clicking and treating when a "scary" pizza deliverer on a helmet passes next to us or when she looses her temper and starts barking intensely at some good-intentioned passer-by who's leaning towards her and staring right into her eyes "to make friends". I need to keep her leashed in our walks because she'll go bark seriously to scare most "very dangerous" pedestrians away from me. Sometimes I'm tired of having a dog with such issues but we're becoming good at walking on-leash loose and nicely.
I'd love to live somewhere I could be an apprendice to a good clicker trainer and take click-to-calm classes with my dog. I think it'd so much easier (but I live in Europe!).
If you can, my amateur advise is that you attend Emma Parsons´classes with Lucy. I think you're doing a great job but my experience is these problems don't show up all at once. They tend to get worse before the start to improve and it does take months. An idea: I've heard about citronella collars to stop barking. Have you tried those?
I can only say that I didn't give up on my dog simply because I couldn't let her go, because I already loved her. And it's such an emotional reason I couldn't be used as advice!
Whatever you keep her or not, you have my sympathy because you're trying very hard and we humans also have breakdown points!! Good luck and all my support!!
Leticia
Hi Megan, I haven't read
Hi Megan, I haven't read every dog training book listed on this site, but I might have something novel to offer.
The impression I got from reading this blog entry was that, although Lucy appears to bark at everything, she is barking at specific things? Or at least, specific things that bother you?
This suggests the possibility of using controlled set-ups to train an alternative behavior in specific situations to absolute fluency; e.g teach her to heel silently when you meet people in the hall.
The idea is to use controlled set-ups to achieve errorless learning then drill the heck out of it, changing small details as you progress, until she is fluent at walking down the hall and meeting people without doing anything other than the very specific behavior you set for her.
Of course, it only solves *that* specific problem. You then need to repeat it for different situations. Eventually you will get to a point where it generalises, but you will probably always have some level of barking problem and will always have to be aware of the potential for regression.
If you can live with that, you can find people to regularly help you with controlled set-ups, you have the skill to teach the alternative behavior "errorlessly" and you know how to train a behavior like this to fluency - then it's possible.
If it all seems too much, or you doubt your ability to complete the task (once begun, you have to complete it, "half-trained" is a waste of your time because regression will occur rapidly), then re-homing might be the best option. You've obviously put some consideration into that option and I'm sure you're a good judge of whether or not it's in everyone's best interests. You don't sound at all like a selfish person or a quitter to me.
Regards,
Aidan
http://www.PositivePetzine.com
Asking for help shows how much you care
Dear Megan,
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt message and the personal email. Your posting is a wonderful opportunity to help not only you, Charlie and Lucy, but other individuals that share common challenges. Reaching out to the fantastic network of individuals through the Karen Pryor Academy and clickertraining.com will provide you with excellent tips and guidance through a very trying time. I would recommend stepping away from what you described as constant training to provide yourself the reprieve and clarity you need to make a sound decision.
Deciding to re-home a dog is a very emotional and exhausting experience. Sometimes it is the best decision and in the best interest for a dog to be placed in a different home. Considering and discussing the options with the various caregivers allows for the best choice to be made. Take a break. Take a breath. Lean on others to provide the resources and feedback needed to make this choice. There are many factors to be considered.
1) Contact your breeder. Hopefully there is a clause in the adoption contract that allows for Lucy to be brought back for re-homing and adoption into an environment that is the best fit. Your breeder may also be a great resource for adoption agencies that are well-respected.
2) Contact your veterinarian. There are numerous aspects that make our dogs who they are. Genetics, nutrition, medical and behavioral elements are all key components. Rule out any underlying medical challenges that could be affecting Lucy's behavior. The smallest medical concern can affect her behavior.
3) I am going to be your cheerleader now to highlight the wonderful job you did while in Chicago! Charlie did fantastic in Puppy Foundation Class as well as Basic Good Manners due to your hard work, enthusiasm, and dedication to making training fun and enjoyable. Each dog is as different as each person with personality and temperament. Lucy was adopted from the same breeder at an older age than Charlie was. She has had 3 major moves (or roadtrips) since adoption. Breeder to you in Midwest, Midwest to North Carolina for vacation, and Midwest to Texas. You shared that she loved North Carolina with the open spaces, sights, scents and sounds. Perhaps re-homing in a rural area would be the best fit? While in the Midwest, you did great focusing on her socialization and confidence building skills. Have you had the chance to mirror those sessions while in the Texas? Do you remember sharing how great Lucy progressed during her play and train dates with Max the cockapoo? We all had fun! Charlie did too!
4) You shared that many books have been purchased and read by you. There are so many great trainers that have books and DVD's to help with various behavioral challenges that many encounter with our dogs. Consider Terry Ryan's book, The Bark Stops Here. Dr. Patricia McConnell's workbooks and DVD's, Karen Pryor's books and this site provided as your support system. I would list more, but there are so many. Should your vet deem that Lucy's joints and health are clear, consider Agility or another fun sport. This will also compliment good confidence building skills and just plain fun "play time". It is always good to take off the "Formal Training Hat" that we wear and just play with our dogs. Play time provides a great opportunity to just sit back and observe our dogs. Observe what they like, what motivates them, and what they choose to avoid. Kathy Sdao has a great article in June 2008 The Whole Dog Journal about the importance of play (visit www.whole-dog-journal.com). This is also helpful for Charlie.
5) Continue to stay in contact with a wonderful network of trainers. Karen Pryor Academy has a Texas session that began this month. Contact the Instructor, Laura VanArendonk Baugh, to find out if any of her learners are from Texas and close to you.
6) Lucy's excessive barking is triggered by various stimuli. Rule out the medical aspect, then collaborate with a trainer, and/or a canine behaviorist to identify the stimulus and set realistic goals.
You are amazing parent to both pups. Regardless of what you decide, any animal would be beyond lucky to have you adopt them. Do not let this experience sour the need for dogs to be adopted into a loving, caring, and compassionate home. The fact that you extended the olive branch for help demonstrates the caring animal parent you are.
Sharing your concerns is the best step to feel validated and heard. Allowing others to help will hopefully bring the peace you are looking for.
All my best,
Laura
It does not make you a bad
It does not make you a bad person if you can't work this out. Some dogs were simply not made to live in the city and regardless of how hard you work they will not be happy there.
Try to think of it as giving her a new opportunity. You have obviously tried everything and put a great deal of effort into it. If you can put that same effort into finding her a more appropriate home then both of you can be happier.
I also don't think it means you should never adopt another animal. The next time just get more background. It makes it a lot easier if you have some idea of what has gone on previously with the animal.
Take heart and don't be too hard on yourself. You've done everything you can and it sounds like finding her a new home is the best thing for everyone.
-Kelly